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Archive for November, 2008

College Search without the Alma Mater

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

Hi there Babs! I’m in quite the quandary here. You see, my parents both went to University of Pennsylvania and have sort of insisted that I’d go there as well. I’ve started my own separate college search, though, and I think that I’d rather find colleges outside of PA that have my major. I know that my folks will be devastated that I won’t be a legacy student at UPenn, but I just don’t care anymore. Is it OK to have these feelings or am I a terrible son?-Reluctant Legacy

—

Dear Reluctant,

You are not a terrible son-but it is hard to say no to Mom and Dad, especially when they are going to be footing the tuition bill. You are in a quandary that many students would envy. Being a legacy at an Ivy League university is nothing to sneeze at, but it’s also admirable to forge your own college path.

It seems as though your parents both had incredible college experiences at UPenn and they want to share them with you. I’m assuming your parents met at UPenn, so I bet they are hoping that you’ll have similar luck at college! But if you truly want to go elsewhere then you need to sit down and have an honest talk with your parents.

It’s obvious that your parents want to be a part of your college search, so let them. Ask them what’s so special about UPenn, then try to find those qualities at other schools. Was it the professors? Greek life? The UPenn Quakers? Explain to them that you want to use college as an opportunity to gain new experiences and independence-like moving out of your home state. Have your parents’ search colleges using online college info to find schools outside of PA that remind them of what they loved about UPenn. You don’t have to apply to all their suggestions, but I bet just involving them in your selection process will make put their minds at ease.

Your parents may indeed be devastated that you don’t want to go to UPenn, but they’ll get over it. What they really want most is to see you happy and enjoying your college experience, so do your homework and find colleges that are the best match for your interests.

Good Luck!

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Uncategorized
11.25.08
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The Search for College Campus Sobriety

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

So I guess most wouldn’t consider me the “party animal” type. I enjoy relaxing on the weekends, playing on the computer, and hanging out with a close group of friends. Will I be considered a loser in college next year if I don’t drink? Do you have to go out and get hammered to be “cool”? I like to have fun, just in different ways than most–is that ok?

-Sober Sam

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Dear Sober,

Thanks to movies like Old School and Animal House, college is often portrayed as a raging, four-year long party. You will certainly find many students willing to give in to this stereotype, but don’t worry–you’ll find your own crowd to hang with, too.

In fact, it’s more than OK to find your own brand of fun at college. Popularity is not the big deal in college that it was in high school. That’s why it’s a lot easier to find your own circle of friends and do what you want without being picked on by the “cool kids”-and believe me, you’re probably a lot cooler than you think. Just be sure to find colleges that are NOT a top-ten party school. If you know that’s not your thing, don’t put yourself in that situation.

There will be students on any college campus who think drugs and alcohol are the only ways to have fun, but it’s fine if you’re not one of them. You’ll find lots of like-minded students that want to have fun without getting drunk all the time. Some of the best times I had at college were hanging out in the dorms with some friends, watching movies, ordering take out, and just talking.

If you’re wondering about what kind of social life you’ll find on campus, check out online college info from the students themselves-CampusCompare has college reviews posted by college students on social life, Greek life and clubs and organizations. They’ll give you the dirt on what campus life is really like.

It’s really easy to meet people at college, so don’t be afraid to be yourself. Drinking is not the only way to have a good time at college-and just think of the beer belly you’ll avoid getting!

Good luck!

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Dear Babs
11.25.08
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NYC College Guide: Making Your Money Count

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008

My daughter has her heart set on New York University. She has the grades, extracurricular activities and intangibles necessary to be accepted. The only problem is that NYU’s tuition is nearly $40,000, and that doesn’t even take other college expenses of living in NYC into account. I’d feel terrible limiting my daughter’s choices based on monetary issues; after all, she has put in the work and effort to be where she is. What should I do?

Big Apple of My Daughter’s Eye

—

Dear Big Apple,

Despite NYU’s hefty price tag, when you consider the cultural and professional opportunities that are in New York City, the tuition-sorry to sound like the MasterCard commercial-is priceless. But that doesn’t make your bank account hurt any less.

However, if NYU has your daughter’s heart just because it’s in New York, turn her attention to some of the many other wonderful colleges in Manhattan. Use CampusCompare to help you search colleges in New York-you’d be surprised at how many fine institutions there are on that one island. Some of the other schools, like Hunter College and Baruch College, will seem like a downright bargain in comparison to NYU, but will offer the same great academic and professional opportunities as the Greenwich Village titan.

Another option is for her to apply to schools where she is overqualified. A school like Fordham University is a bit less selective than NYU, and thus more likely to give her a merit scholarship since, as you say, she is a highly eligible applicant. Find colleges where her academic profile has the most cashé, and apply to reaches and safeties, public and private colleges in New York City. The more options you allow both yourself and your daughter, the better the decision you two can make.

If your daughter is dead set on attending NYU, then there’s no stopping her. You say that your daughter has what it takes to get accepted to NYU, so there is a good chance that she might also have what it takes to get a scholarship. And don’t forget scholarships that are awarded to returning students-encourage her to keep up that GPA and you both might be pleasantly surprised with a monetary award after her freshman year.

I don’t know what your FAFSA eligibility is, but you shouldn’t rule out the possibility of receiving a financial aid package–even if it doesn’t amount to a full scholarship, anything to help chip away at that $40,000 a year price tag will be helpful.

Just make sure she understands that unless she receives substantial financial aid, there will be a six-figure debt to contend with when she gets out of school. Between small scholarships, large grants, and financial aid, there should be a way to finance your daughter’s education. And if that doesn’t pan out, there are many cheaper alternatives in the Big Apple that she can take a bite into.

Good Luck!

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Admissions, Dear Babs, Financial Aid
11.22.08
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College Search Results: BFF?

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

Babs, my best friend and I have wanted to find colleges to go together for the past year. Unfortunately, I got into our top choice, Northwestern, and he didn’t. I haven’t told him about it yet because I just don’t know how. Should I still go – I really want to go there, or should I honor my commitment to my buddy?!?

-College Search Gone Awry

Dear Awry

Congratulations are certainly in order for your getting into your top choice college—but I understand that you might not feel like celebrating.

If your friend is truly your best friend, then he will still be your best friend regardless of which school you both choose to attend. That’s not to say that it won’t be a sore point for your friend for a while. You shouldn’t feel bad about being happy for your acceptance, but I wouldn’t flaunt it in front of him, either. Still, make sure he here’s about it from you first–it would be much more hurtful to hear about it from a third party.

It’s wonderful that you feel so loyal to your friend, but all’s fair in college acceptances and rejections. It might hurt you to hear this, but your friend would probably go to that school if the tables were turned. Remember, this is not about getting invited to the same party—this is about being accepted to college, where you will spend the next four years. If you have been best friends for all this time, then your friendship will withstand the next four years at different schools.

Good Luck!

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Admissions, Dear Babs
11.19.08
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The Search for College Roommates

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

What do you think about choosing a roommate from orientation? I know that when I go in a few weeks, there is a chance that I don’t meet anyone that I’d like to live with, but it seems like a better option than being paired with a total stranger. But what if I think someone is alright and then they turn out to be a horrible roommate? Should I just wait and roll with the punches, or look for someone that I’m compatible with?

-Roomie-less in Ohio

Dear Roomie-less,

Finding a college roommate can be one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking experiences you’ll ever have. Your search for college roommates should start when you start meeting people at your new school-and that’s why it’s a great idea to room with someone you met at Freshmen Orientation at your college as opposed to a total stranger.

If you meet someone at Orientation with whom you think you’d be a good match, then by all means go with your gut feeling. Most people find that even meeting someone for five minutes at a busy Orientation icebreaker is far better than moving in with someone they don’t know at all.

Keep in mind, though, that you do not have to be best friends with this person. What’s more important is that you have similar lifestyle habits-for example, if you both like to study at night or prefer to keep a tidy dorm room. This type of lifestyle compatibility is far more important than the both of you cheering for the same sports team or enjoying the same kind of music.

Don’t forget that once you leave Orientation, you’ve got a while before you have to move onto campus. Get your new roommate’s e-mail address and phone number and keep in touch until you see each other again. You’ll get to know each other’s likes and dislikes so that it’s not a mystery when you finally move onto campus. Just don’t do any of these things, and you should be okay.

If the situation does not turn out to be a good one, you are not the only one. Just remember that you do not have to suffer with someone you are not compatible with-talk to your resident adviser (RA) to see how you can either work things out with your roomie, or else find a new one.

Good luck!

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Dear Babs
11.18.08
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College Guide For Parents: Stuck in an Empty Nest

Monday, November 17th, 2008

Dear Babs,

My son is an only child and I’ve raised him as a single mother. Now, he is going off to college and I’ll have an empty nest for the first time in a long time. I know I’ll be alright (eventually) but I am feeling somewhat anxious and depressed about it. Do you have any advice or suggestions for a single mom about to become a bachelorette?

-Ms. Lonelyhearts

—

Dear Ms. Lonelyhearts

Feel proud of yourself. You have done an amazing job as a mother and now your son is reaping the rewards by starting an independent life and pursuing higher education. If they only gave out medals for motherhood, you would be Nobel-prize winning laureate. Although now you feel lonely, perhaps in the not too distant future you will be enjoying your new-found freedom. While your son is off gallivanting on campus, you can have more time for friends, a hobby, or your career. When you’re not keeping up with all of your son’s new college info, rediscover girls-night-out, or better yet, go away for a long-weekend.

In the meantime, might I suggest a little humor to soften the blow of a suddenly-empty-nest? My favorite relaxation often involves 30-Rock, take-out, and a glass of wine. Or better yet, find some comedy in parental commiseration. I’m a huge fan of Carol Band’s book and blog “A Household Word.” She writes about the kind of parenting you don’t hear about on Martha Stewart. While you’re waiting to get the spring back in your step, the best thing to do is to find a good shoulder to cry/laugh on. And don’t forget the chianti.

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Dear Babs, humor, parents
11.17.08
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College Guide for Parents: Fraternity Hazing

Friday, November 14th, 2008

From what I can tell, Greek Life is a huge aspect of the college experience these days. Unfortunately, I feel as though I’ve been seeing more and more stories regarding young students and hazing throughout colleges nationwide. The one common theme surrounding these stories seems to be fraternities and sororities that not only practice this behavior, but encourage it. I trust my son, but I am very fearful of him practicing unsafe drinking habits to impress others or get a bid in a frat. Is there anything I can do or say to prepare him without having him rolling his eyes and shrugging it off?

-Concerned Parent

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Dear Concerned,

Hazing is forcing someone to do something that makes one uncomfortable or unsafe. That can mean anything from wearing underwear on the outside of one’s clothing to binge drinking. Obviously, one act is much more harmful than the other, but neither is unheard of on college campuses. College fraternities and sororities may often get a bad rap because of hazing on college campuses, but that doesn’t mean that your son will be subject to the same kind of torment that makes the 6 o’clock news.

Binge drinking, unfortunately, is common on campus and can be deadly for those who are not used to drinking alcohol. You mention that you trust your son, and if that is true, then you must also trust that he wouldn’t do anything unsafe or illegal to join a frat, which may include underage drinking.

However, you should be aware of his legal rights, so that if anything does happen, you will know what steps to take.

Do your homework and check up on the safety report of your son’s college. Colleges are required to report safety statistics by law. Search colleges’ crime statistics, safety precautions, and security patrol online. On CampusCompare, there is a safety and security report for over 3000 colleges.

The best thing for you to do is to be open about your concerns with your son. If you keep the dialogue open, as he is faced with these difficult decisions he will know he has someone to talk to. Talk with him about the dangers of joining fraternities, but be warned that you will get the rolling of the eyes. That doesn’t mean that he’s not listening to you; in fact, he might be worried about the same thing. But before he starts to walk away, remind him that fraternity is about brotherhood, which means supporting each other, not bringing each other down.

Good Luck!

Babs

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Dear Babs, fraternity and sorority
11.14.08
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Time Out to Find Colleges

Friday, November 14th, 2008

 I’m seeing more and more freshman and sophomores come into my office asking me about the college application process and how to get started.  Obviously, I love helping students any way that I can but right now my efforts are focused on my seniors trying to get their applications out ASAP.  How can I go about relaying this message to the younger students without them feeling betrayed or unimportant?

-Harried Counselor

—

Dear Harried,

Wow! You’ve got some eager freshmen and sophomores at your school! I think it’s wonderful that they are so eager to start their college search, but I understand your concern in needing to spend more time with seniors and juniors rather than underclassmen.

There is nothing wrong with politely telling students that you are only meeting with seniors at this time-as long as you give them a specific time to come back to see you. Perhaps you can have an Underclassman College Search Day in the week-after the seniors finish their apps, during which younger students can pop in with a question or concern about their college search.

If you can’t meet with students, why not have some information on hand to give them? Print out a copy of websites or books that can help them during their college search, like CampusCompare. The beauty of the CampusCompare website is that it is a fun, easy, and informative way for high schoolers of all ages to search for college on their own.

Get your students to talk about their college concerns amongst themselves: a little peer support can go a long way. Encourage them to start participating in chatboards and college prep groups. They can even use social networking sites to swap stories, compare test results, and vent their college frustrations. CampusCompare lets members friend other members, send each other notes, and swap college info.

Another idea is to include a college search tip during homeroom announcements that is specifically geared toward underclassmen. Students will love getting college advice in small doses like this, and the time commitment for you will be minimal. Plus, the more college information you give your students now, the more informed they will be as juniors and seniors when the college search really heats up!
Good Luck!

Babs

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Admissions, Dear Babs
11.14.08
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Rankings Schmankings

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

I’ve seen so many different rankings when it comes to “Top Colleges” or “Best Universities”. What’s the best source for this type of information? Is there a reliable and accurate place where I can find out exactly what the best of the best are?

- TopSchools4eva

—

Dear TopSchools4eva,

Rankings are a great way to figure out what places like The Princeton Review and U.S. News & World Report think of colleges and universities, but the only opinion you should base your college decision on is your own. If you consider only those schools that make the rankings, you are eliminating many other schools that could be perfect for you, but simply don’t fit the somewhat cryptic ranking system these books use for each school.

Instead of rankings compiled by people whose college days are far behind them, why not get the scoop from actual college students? Go online to CampusCompare.com to find student reviews for schools like UCLA on various aspects of college life, including classes, dorms, fraternities and sororities, activities, and even cafeteria food.

Rather than scan the lists of rankings, make a list of your own. Figure out what you are looking for in a school, and use an online tool to help you narrow down your options. A good college search website should have a college search engine that allows you to narrow down schools by major, student enrollment size, and tuition cost, among other factors.

Don’t forget to schedule a visit to the schools-take a class, walk around campus, and talk to students about what they like and don’t like about their school. Many students say that they knew they found the right school as soon as they stepped onto campus-maybe the same thing will happen for you.

Good Luck!

Babs

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Admissions, Dear Babs
11.11.08
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Keeping Your Profile from Snooping College Admissions

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

Dear Babs,

People tell me more and more often that I should really tone down my Facebook page or even get rid of it completely. As a graduating junior, I’ll be applying to colleges soon and I don’t want the final decision to come down to a comparison of Facebook pictures. Does this actually happen? How frequently? What do you recommend doing?

-Facebook Fear

Dear F. Fear

I’m a huge fan of Facebook. It’s a great way to keep up with friends and find out what everyone is up to. That said, Facebook, MySpace, and other social networking sites can be a breeding ground for TMI-too much information.

I don’t know what scandalous photos or garish details you have chosen to share on your Facebook page, but if numerous people are telling you to take it down a notch, then it’s probably a good idea. Yes, college admissions officers have been known to check out Facebook. In a perfect world, what you do in your spare time should not be a factor in whether or not you are accepted, but colleges want to know the real you beyond the persona you project in your admissions essay. For example, if you write an essay on how devoted you are to studying premed at Duke University, those pictures of you falling down drunk during Spring Break might make you look a bit unprepared for a studious college life.

Facebook is a great networking tool; you don’t have to remove the page completely. However, do remove any indecent pictures, vulgar status updates, or any other questionable material from your page. Also, adjust the privacy setting on your page so that only people that you confirm as friends can see your page. Your profile picture doesn’t have to be a serious portrait, but make sure it’s one that you won’t mind everyone seeing. Even if you mark your page as private, the profile picture still comes up in a Facebook search.

I’ve never had aspirations of becoming President of the United States, but if I did, I’d like to think that there wouldn’t be any scandals brewing over my profile. This is a case where it’s a good idea to give in to peer pressure and tone down your Facebook page.

Good Luck!

Babs

POSTED BY Dear Babs IN Admissions, Dear Babs
11.11.08
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