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Archive for the ‘tv entertainment’ Category

American Idol Losers Score a Winning Crib

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

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I really have a bone to pick with Simon Fuller. Who knew being a crappy, talentless hack of a performer could take you to the top?

Especially in a recession. Woof!

Heck, I would have gussied myself up, stuffed my cantaloupe feet into some snazzy cowgirl boots, dyed my hair pink and tried out for Idol this season too–
…had somebody told me a Hollywood “mansion” would be involved.

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In past seasons of American Idol, Taylor Hicks’ undercover “steak and milk” late-night room service orders were as naughty as it got.

Yet this season, following tradition of true, reality TV stars (ahem, wash ups) the remaining 10 crap-testants are shacking up under one, big, unfair roof.

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This $40 million Los Angeles villa is so deliciously glam even Kelly Clarkson would pass up the Holiday Inn’s breakfast buffet to bunk up.

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Idol basecamp, also known as “Casa de Tight Jeans and Runny Eyeliner” boasts magical amentities for its guests. There’s two swimming pools (one indoor), a bowling alley, 20-seat movie theater, basketball court, gilded spiral staircases and more.

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I know I can’t be the only one thinking: “What a shame this pad this being wasted on the worst line up of wannabes ever”.  The blind guy can’t even see it!

Ehh don’t get me wrong, yeah yeah my heart goes out to hokey Danny Gokey too, but these people just love letting their freak flags fly. Also, two of the guys are still in college, and it stings to watch them “live the dream”.

Each season these people just get weirder and weirder. Adam Lambert’s chamellion hair styles make Sanjaya look like an average Joe!

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Oh well, hopefully those monstrous marble bathrooms won’t go unnoticed– most of Season 8 looks like they could use a good shower (and Weight Watchers)!

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MOOove over American Idol, Kelly Clarkson Puts on a Whale of a Performance

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Many of us watched American Idol last night in awe as Kelly Clarkson hoofed her way onto the stage.

Beep. Beep. Oversized pop star in a black muu muu coming through!

Now we’ve all heard of the freshman 15 in college and we’ve all let ourselves go once or twice. But for a second I thought she might mistake Ryan Seacrest for a Sour Patch Kid and scarf him down.  No such luck. Instead, we were left to watch Clarkson perform her new song, My Life Would Suck Without You while we guestimated her current weight in our heads.

But as rough as that billowy bolt of fabric she wore looked on camera– I’ll give Kelly credit when its due. Her delivery rocked and her impeccable vocals blew a winded and lackluster Kanye West out of the water.

However, her star performance was shadowed by a blitz of pregnancy rumors surrounding the curvaceous Clarkson. Questions about Clarkson’s sexual preference are perculating as well with bloggers speculating that she might be gay.

While we’re fine with leaving Clarkson’s personal life to herself, it’s pretty hard to ignore how much her public image has changed since she first landed in the Idol limelight.

We scoured the archives to compile this photo-journey of Kelly’s highs and lows. In pounds.

In some of the newer ones we kinda see Rachael Ray!  Oink oink!

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ROCK-hard abs!

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Skinny as a Microphone

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Hmmm, getting a bit more pudge-licious!

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Lookin’ healthy! Radiant skin.

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Horizontal stripe horror show.

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Cankle alert! Cankle alert! Who wears T-strap sandals when your hoofs are beefy?!

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Entering: Large Marge Territory

Well, I guess we can all take a note from Kelly and hit the treadmill. (Yes Randy Jackson, that includes you, dawg)

Until then, I’m happy sitting here, licking the Doritos cheese off my fingers in the bliss of anonymity.

American Idol College Flunkie Turned Millionare

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

The famed scowl of brazen American Idol judge Simon Cowell lights up the televisions of more than 21 million viewers a week.
college rankingsIt seems to be working considering you’re worth a reported $200 million. That’s a lot of pounds for a not-so-jolly Brit who dropped out of high school and didn’t even try applying for college.

What’s the secret to Cowell’s success?

“The secret of my success is that I make other people money,” Cowell told Good Morning America during an interview in 2007.

Fairly straightforward words of wisdom from a guy named on the Forbes Celebrity 100 list of the most powerful and highest paid stars.

Yet Cowell walked a different road from his fellow Idol dawg pound-member Randy Jackson. Jackson and his ears for music embraced the traditional four-year college route. He expanded and developed his rhythmic passions while earning a dual Bachelors degree in Music and Psychology from Southern University in Louisiana.

Many people don’t know that Jackson was also a member of the rock band Journey. He’s also played alongside musical heavy-hitters Jerry Garcia, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion and Carlos Santana.

Jackson’s talent gained further recognition when landed an executive role as vice president of artists and repertoire at Columbia Records, where he spent 8 years. He then worked another four years at MCA Records.

But perhaps nobody’s resume is a colorful as space cadet judge Paula Abdul. This high school cheerleader turned pop sensation has danced her way into every avenue of the entertainment industry.

After high school, Paula Adbul attended California State, Northridge. She majored in TV and radio. Paula joined the L.A. Lakers cheerleaders, and after a few short months became their head cheerleader and choreographer.

This signaled the end of her Cal State college life and a new focus that was solely on dance. After scripting the video moves for The Jacksons, Adbul extended her career to include singing and song writing. Beyond earning a Grammy and multiple music awards, Adbul’s had two #1 albums and seven #1 singles.

Something about Paula that you may not know is that she also manages her own jewelry line. What began as a hobby, making “good luck” gifts for American Idol contestants, is now a complete line, available at QVC.

What American Idol judge do you think had the most “smarts” when it came to choosing a college?

Leave your comments here!