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Archive for May, 2009

How to Choose a College in a Recession: Top 5 Worst Cities

Friday, May 29th, 2009

It’s time to start thinking of college application options, or if you just graduated, job applications. You may have received lots of advice on how to choose a college or a career after college. No doubt, the economy is going to affect that decision. Yeah, it may be called the “global economic crisis” but it hasn’t affected all places evenly. Your college application process will probably include some thoughts of how the recession is affecting the city of your prospective university choice.

We tried to find the last places you’d want to move to in a recession and came up with a list of five places that are suffering more than most other cities. If you’re a high school student about to apply to college then you might want to consider this list when making your college choices. If you planned on making extra money at a part time job while at school you’re not going to find them in places where the economy sucks. Unless you don’t care about getting a job or making money, we advise you to avoid these towns. Below is a list of 5 cities and 3 words to describe why to avoid them in a recession.

New York: Wall Street, pffft
Chicago: Financial sector broken
Detroit: Goodbye auto industry!
New Orleans: Hurricanes exacerbate recession.
Flint, Michigan: Because it’s Flint.

Know where the best places to live during a recession are? University towns. That’s right, education, as well as government and health, are areas that are hiring. Big universities are thriving and there’s no sign of this changing. We’re not saying the economy should be the driving force behind how you choose a college but hey, life in Madison, Wisconsin and Austin, Texas is pretty good right now.

Search for college employment ends with a gun totin’, siren wailing police gig on the beach

Monday, May 25th, 2009

For most cash strapped students, the search for college related jobs during the summer months doesn’t extend search for collegebeyond the local bar or lifeguard post. The career and internship placement service at your college exists to help you with your summer job search. For college students with a yearning for seagulls, tourists, and the letter of the law, the Ocean City, Maryland police department offers a unique opportunity. This summer 100 hundred power hungry young bucks, most of them college students, will take a rigorous four week police academy training to become seasonal police officers in Ocean City for the heavy tourist season. Training includes four days of practice at a shooting range, after which the summer police position comes with arrest powers and a gun. College job placement services have some pretty bizarre employment opportunities. Does your college hook you up with summer internships that include the power to detain drunken tourists? Twitter us your response.

After-College Jobs Sabotaged

Monday, May 25th, 2009

Did your alma mater fall short of preparing for the job market? After college, jobs are hard to come by for many recent graduates. Here’s the scenario:

You’ve just graduated from university. You’ve had a couple part-time college jobs that but now you something legit to pay off the student loans. While it may be fun to smugly exhibit your wealth of useless knowledge at dinner parties, you probably need to actually earn some money. In college, you were probably assertive, competent, and hard working. Technically, you should be a shoe-in at any company. As it turns out, most of your peers are equally hard-working, competent, and assertive. In order to compete for the limited amount of jobs, you need to stand out from the rest. There are two solutions to this. Either you can attempt to be even more qualified than you already are, or you could expose your rival job applicants as the inferior human beings that they are. Remember, making you look good is only as hard as it is to make others look worse:

Raunch up the Résumé: The resume is the essential document that employers look at when hiring. And, lucky for you, it’s a prime target for sabotage. Most people don’t lock documents on their computers, so if you’re lucky enough to stumble upon a friend’s computer search for their CV. In between declarations of honor roll and captain of the acapella club, casually insert some juicy little “tidbits” of information.

Example: The subtle placement of “erotic activities” in the skills section of a friend’s resume.

Fool their Facebook: Many employers now scope out prospective recruits on social networking sites such as Facebook. Become Facebook friends with someone who works at the potential place of employment. Proceed to post any questionable photos you have of said job rival. And, the piece de resistance is to write on your rival’s wall.

Example: “dude, did you have to get your stomach pumped?”, or “let’s hang out sometime when you’re not barfing into my purse”.

Sabotage their Cell: Finally, change their ring tone to a voice recording of swear words and obscene/sexist phrases. This is totally possible on most cells. Distract the sucker before the interview so that he/she forgets to turn off the phone and put the phone in the deepest corner of his/her bag. Proceed to repeatedly call his number.

Example: Too obscene to post.

Did your school get an F in job placement? Have you had to resort to drastic and hilarious measures to get ahead in the workplace? Release any concerns you have of making enemies. It won’t matter when they’re cleaning the windshield of your shiny new ride while you wait for the light to turn green. Think my ideas are too vanilla? Why don’t you twitter us what crazy things you would do to get a job? Just don’t even think of trying to take mine.