Crapulous (krap-yuh-luh
s): adj.
1. Given to or characterized by gross and excessive drinking or eating.
2. Suffering from or due to such excess.
Ex: The frat was known for its crapulous parties filled with cheap beer, pizza, and scantily clad women.
Ex: Blech, last night was so crapulous I’ll have my head in the toilet all day.
Get the rest of the “College Party Glossary”
After spending the winter holed up in your dorm, crying into your textbook, and begging your mom to buy you a sunlamp because you think you have SAD, it’s good to know that spring break is waiting just around the corner in all its tawdry, tacky glory.
Whether you’ll be on campus in a week-long bender where you try and see just how many historical statues you can pee on, or on some sunny getaway with a fruity drink in one hand and your swimsuit in the other as you frolic in the moonlight, we’re sure you’ll have fun.
But, like with mid-terms and first-dates, it pays to be prepared. Make sure you have all the necessary accoutrement for a raucous good time.
Download this FREE college party checklist, and tick off your “to-do” list one-by-one.
Trust me when I tell you, your parents are going to freak out and load you up like a Himalayan packmule when you leave for college.
By the time you hit I-93, there’s going to be so much crap jammed into your trunk that you’ll resemble a pioneer setting out on the Oregon Trail.
“Mary has died of Dysentery. Pa has gotten a snakebite. Supplies too heavy…cock the wagon and float!”
See, that’s the type of stuff that happens when you over-prepare.
Now, thanks to CampusCompare, college freshman everywhere can finally avoid looking like that first-to-go-to-college-in-the-family idiot who kept Target in business this quarter.
We cracked some sense into your oxen and compiled this college survival retrospective based on recent grads and current pioneers.
Behold, the Top 10 Things Adults Think You Need in College (A.K.A stuff you’ll lug all the way to school that you’ll end up carrying all the way back, unopened & unused, 4 years later.)
10. Yaffa Blocks— These things have to be the biggest scam to rip off college students ever invented. The jazzy-colored, glorified milkcrates don’t even “hold” anything. And if you ever attempt to really “stack” them, I hope your parents anted up for the premiere student health plan. You’ll need it after being pummeled under their plastic grate wrath.
9. Non-Sweat Wear Attire— Your mom will try to sneak in some dressy suits and/or mock turtlenecks to your clothing pile. Don’t allow it. If you wear anything but 100% cotton to class you’ll look like Ryan Seacrest.
8. A Lava Lamp— Now these nifty gizmos may have been all the rage when your dad dominated the dorms back in ‘69. But let’s be serious, so were mullets. Today, carrying a Lava Lamp into a dorm will send off an immediate warning signal to all around you that you are the type of guy who loves polyester pants and watches The Brady Bunch alone in his room all night.
7. A Hot Pot— This annoying hunk of metal serves one purpose: It comforts worried mothers everywhere that at least their baby is getting a good n’ hot meal at night. Unless you have an actual baby living with you and your bros in the dorm who need its bottle warmed up; return that $29.99 hot pot and go buy some buffalo wings.
6. A CD-Player— Oh my god. It kills us to see people still lugging massive stereo systems up into the dorms. Why don’t you just bust in with your Grammophone? Or better yet, why not just show up to campus with your Baby Grand?
5. A Whiteboard— Ahh, the classic “whiteboard on the door fad”. We hoped that one of these days enough of these insufficiently sticky, foam tree-murderers would fall off enough doors to finally knock some sense into people. Alas, college goers everywhere still dutifully follow the “whiteboard on door” phenomema as if they won’t be “cool” without one. I’d love to know the jokester who’s responsible for this. These “novelties” are beyond irritating to write on, erase and listen to hit the hallway floor ten times a day.
4. Decorative Toss Pillows— Sure, in theory they look great and add a little stylish sophistication to your dorm. In reality they end up tossed on your floor, covered in Dorito-cheese fingerprints.
3. A land line phone— The only thing bigger than Zack Morris’ cell phone.
2. A Snuggie— Yes the commercial is so amazing we could watch it over and over again all day, too. Just don’t let your inner fool allow you to actually pick up the phone and purchase one of these. That would be crossing the socially awkward, shut-in line.
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1. An Over-the-Door Shoe Organizer— Now I’ve seen enough neat freak friends get conned into this organizational “wonder-product” to speak up. I will boldy testify that shoe-organizers are a complete piece of crap. Unless you have a foot the size of Webster, there’s no way you can fit 2 shoes into one of those tiny pockets.
There’s only 3 things you really need in college: naps, sweats and Chicken Finger Day at the cafeteria.
