Christmas vs. Hanukkah
So here you go folks, a thorough, side-by-side comparison of two of the greatest holidays of the year. Up to you to determine whether Christmas, Hanukkah or Chrismakkah is right for you!
| CHRISTMAS | HANUKKAH |
| Date | |
| December 25th — Every single year. | Begins the evening of the 24th of Kislev. Jews never really know when that is, until a non-Jew asks when Hannukah starts, forcing them to consult a calendar so they don’t look like a Yiddiot. |
| Significance | |
| Christmas is a major holiday, if not the holiest. | Hanukkah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. The bad guys (or as we Jews say - ‘bad goys’), tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat. |
| Presents | |
| Christians get awesome presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos, cars… | Jews get practical presents like underwear, socks, or books. |
| Spelling | |
| Christmas | Hanukkah, Chanukkah, Hanukah, Chanukah, Hannukah… |
| Economics | |
| Christmas facilitates colassal electric bills. | Jews light candles. |
| Songs | |
| Christmas carols are beautiful…”Silent Night”, “Hark the Herald Angel Sings”… | Toss up between clay driedels and Adam Sandler whining… |
| Smells | |
| Cookies baking, peppermint, cinnamon, fresh pine from the tree | Onions, potatoes and oil — from the latkes. |
| Players | |
| Easy names like Jesus, Mary and Joseph. | Almost unreadable names like Antiochus and Judah Maccabee. |
| Characters | |
| Santa Claus, Rudolph, Elves, Scrooge, The Grinch | Hanukkah Harry?!? |
| Traditions | |
| Huge meal with family and friends, presents, laughter, joy, cheer… | Chinese food and a movie |
| Break | |
| A wonderful day next to the tree and by the fire. | Paid day-off. |
| Symbols | |
| Nativity scene, mistletoe, holly, wreaths, candy canes, stockings… | Dreidels, chocolate gelt, Maccabees. |
| Movies | |
| Home Alone, The Grinch, Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, Elf, Polar Express, The Santa Clause, Bad Santa, Nightmare Before Christmas, A Christmas Carol, Scrooged, Miracle on 34th Street, It’s A Wonderful Life, White Christmas, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie, Love Actually… | Eight Crazy Nights |
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